Abz is forcing me to make another thread on poofartz cuz he's slackin on them lately

Whyz you gettin lazy Ab?

So yesterday morning I made a frozen pizza and ate half of it. Then I went to sleep, woke up and ate the other half. Then I started spewing vile, noxious gasses from my asses. It was fucking gross, I haven't surprised myself with how bad I could stink like that in a really long time.

I didn't have time to take a shit (and stilll haven't, actually. Waitin for it to be just right) so I took a shower and the hot, sticky humidity combined with my billowing poop chute made me want to puke in my shower. It was so bad.

I got out and dried off then went into my bedroom and started getting dressed. While still only wearing socks, I let out the most ominous leak of a fart that was both long and grumbling, then immediately after I felt a sneeze coming on. So, in preparation for the sneeze, I of course involuntarily sucked in the air around me, force-feeding my own un-muzzled ass cloud into my respiratory orifices in such a rush it cancelled out the sneeze and I was just disgusted with my capabilities.

I hope I poop this out at the hotel, undisturbed, and not in my own bathroom lol.

Why is only gas coming out?

Cuz I was holdin it in like I said, dummy.

'Cept I did just poo. It wasn't uninterrupted like I had hoped. I got a call to pull a car before I had even gotten to the relaxing stage of the poop. I still had some dook to go but had to cancel it and go doo doo that other shit. So I came back ten minutes later to try and finish the job, and it just wouldn't happen. Gay.

Take some multivitamins. They keep me regular. In fact I had to take a shit at the same time every day while I took them. Sometimes multiple times within 20 minutes.

fuck vitamins. My lunch today is an apple and two mandarins. Suck on those vitamins.

Plenty o' fiber in that apple too...mhhm.

This thread is yummy. Scrumdidilyumptious, perhaps.

I've had a gooey, steamy poop brewing for quite some time. Woke up this morning to take a whiz. Laid back down to try and sleep longer, let out a nice rumbly fart which got trapped in the blanket. Gave it a whiff and closed it up again, satisfied that all that stank would soon seep into my pores and clothes.

roughdraft_zero wrote:

fuck vitamins. My lunch today is an apple and two mandarins. Suck on those vitamins.

Plenty o' fiber in that apple too...mhhm.

I eat both. :p

Actually I stopped the Multis because I'm trying to find better ones. Also the whole taking a shit thing.

I just dropped a maelstrom duke, and just when I got out, my grandma gets up from the couch and I was hoping she'd go to use the restroom so she would have to breathe it in. I don't know why that amuses me. I'm an asshole.

you guys are so weird

I'm still ridin' on the same unfinished business from yesterday. It never came back, just been building its power, biding its time, waiting for the most opportune moment to spring its trap...of crap.

I made spaghetti tonight, wif meaty meat sauce...and gonna eat another apple and a can of soup for lunch here in a minute lol. Gonna need a bigger boat!

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Going vegetarian has given me A) a false sense of personal fulfillment B) plenty of ridicule C) fucking toxic gas.

Soy beans and lentils + a lot of fibrous vegetables = Zyklon B farts.

It's like the deep dark secret of the green movement.

Eat beans. Shitload of fiber, protein, relatively cheap, and yeah turn you into a fart machine.

Thread was long overdue..

tuggernuts wrote:

Shrike wrote:

Going vegetarian has given me A) a love for cock in and around my mouth and anus.

Actually, I'm not one of those pussy vegetarians who still eat poultry. So no.

Also, ass-eating only works on South Park.

Vegetarians are pussies. Vegans are the real deal.

Vegans are fucking stupid, though. I guess I could maybe understand not wanting to hurt da wittle aminalz (OK, I can't), but what's so immoral about consuming animal byproduct? So silk is a crime? Milk is a crime? Imagine how unhappy milk cows would be if they weren't milked. There aren't enough calves in the world to consume all of it, so whaddya do—dump it?

When you get down to insect-level, I think it's hard to relate. But dairy-farming can be pretty brutal. If you're vegetarian on animal-cruelty grounds, then dairy farming is off limits on the same basis as meat farming. Sure, the dairy cows we've bred would probably suffer due to excess milk production if they weren't milked. However, that's just because we made them that way. When you boil it down it's a pretty fucked up idea: take an individual, impregnate it without consent (time after time), steal its babies, and keep it locked up for most of its life. If you buy into the whole idea of animal rights, that anthropocentrism isn't a moral way of looking at the world, then veganism works fine in terms of internal logic.

I think it's more illogical that someone can be vegetarian because they "like the cuddly animals", yet still eat dairy.

That said, I still eat honey, wear wool and eat dairy and eggs. Because veganism would essentially ostracize me completely from everyone I know and relate to. I get enough flak for being vegetarian.

Also, I fucking love cookies and cake. Cookies and cake are awesome.

Abnormal Freak wrote:

Milk is a crime? Imagine how unhappy milk cows would be if they weren't milked. There aren't enough calves in the world to consume all of it, so whaddya do—dump it?

The problem is that in order for a cow to give milk they have to constantly be impregnated.

I guess the whole point is that animals have a will of their own and if it's not their intention to give you their animal products then we as humans should respect that and leave them alone.

This thread is way off topic.

Shrike said "green movement" lol

You should report this thread to the mods.

Since when has anyone ever cared about with the actual topic is around here?

My poo was maroon today. Mmmm. beet root.

Beet root poo is awesome. You get the thrill and dash of color of internal bleeding without any of the risk and the solid poo of starchy root vegetables.

I like beets a lot, but I never have 'em.

Beets make me gag and want to vomit.