This thread will be a running journal for all the stupid/annoying shit my fuckhead roommate does

My uncle was over one time and we were watching a movie in the living room on a 36" 4:3 CRT HDTV. It was in widescreen and had the bars, naturally, and he says, "Why in the hell do they have these black bars on the top and bottom? It cuts out a huge part of the picture." I tried to explain to him that it's quite the exact opposite of that. Then a while later I was at his house and he bought a new tv (some shit Sony HDTV rear-projection big screen that looked like complete ass if you weren't directly in front of it or if any sunlight was hitting it, and didn't really look that good even in optimal conditions). I helped him set it up along with his DVD player and we put on a movie that was in 2.35 scope, which of course also still has the bars even when on a widescreen HDTV. He says, "What the hell? The whole reason I bought a widescreen tv was to not have any more bars on my damn tv!"

This is the same uncle who was watching Band of Brothers at my house on the same tv, with our Denon and Definitive Technology 5.1 set-up running in DTS and at very high volume. He exclaims, "Why doesn't my surround sound sound as good as this? I bought the best because I wanted the best and it doesn't sound half as good as this." (His definition of "the best" again is a Sony theater-in-a-box setup lol). I explained to him that you can go to Best Buy and get what they call "calibration discs" for both your tv and surround sound to optimize them with your settings. He went home and did just that. I come over and he says it worked great for the tv but not for the surround sound. I look at the tv, and every setting is maxed except for brightness which is right in the middle lol. Sharpness, contrast, everything else, all the way to the right lol. Ok whatever. His "surround sound"? Connected with composite stereo RCA jacks, playing through all five speakers in a poor stereo signal and the speakers hidden behind plants or shelves/books because his wife, my Aunt, doesn't want them to be seen. He still blamed the calibration disc lol.

*Shakes head* I'm no pro in regards to audio and such, <black person voice>but that's jisht crazy!</black person voice>

Only video setting I have set really high is contrast. I used an HD calibration disc, and having the contrast between 95–100 (out of 100) is the only way anything looked good. I hate it when people set their sharpness real high; that needs to be low.

I've never seen video settings as bad as my "friend's," though (the asshole friend who broke my ankle). I think I already complained about that at IGN, where everything on his TV looks like a daytime soap opera with really choppy motion and urine filters and such. He couldn't even notice all the really ugly defects that were being caused by his settings, like I was watching these two dudes' legs in a movie, they were in black dress pants, and I kept seeing jagged shards of black jetting out of their legs, weird stray remnants from another frame or something, lol. I tried pointing it out, but he said, "I don't see anything"—yet he claims to be an A/V know-it-all. He pretty much maxes out all his audio settings and cranks the volume, so...yeah. The guy's kind of brain damaged.

Thread successfully derailed, but I have a cure for that. It involves opening my door and going out into the common area and just waiting for two minutes before a treasure presents itself.

So I hear him answer the phone and it's his father. I can gather from his side of the conversation that I hear that his father is confused and concerned for him. Apparently, the roommate and his ex-fiancée are both going to a wedding. But they're not just both still going, they're going as each other's dates. They broke up, on bad terms, and they're going to a wedding together. His dad's all like, "Why are you doing that dumbshit?" and all he can say is, "We agreed to go before we broke up, Dad. We made a commitment. Jeeze, you just don't understand." Yeah, a commitment just like your engagement, right, retard?

PARENTS JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND

lol. So even pops thinks this guy's a total doucheweenie.

lol @ the pepper spray story. thats hilarious.

I come home at 10:00 p.m. I see pots and pans on the stove, full of food that's obviously been sitting for at least four hours, probably more. Dishes NEAR the sink (I still can't understand how he doesn't fucking put anything actually into the sink), food in bowls and on plates, including lettuce stolen from me (not a big deal, it's fucking lettuce, yeah, but you still ask or say, "Oh hey, I used some of your such-and-such, hope you don't mind"), and cookies that he made TWO DAYS ago and left out on the kitchen counter on a paper towel, with no attempt to contain, wrap or even cover, still just sitting there (I was pissed that he even did it at all, but now he's CONTINUING to let them fucking sit out for another day, and counting...!?). He's passed out on the couch, a half-eaten plate of food and a glass on the coffee table, which is glass, with no placemat or coaster for his plate or glass. There's also a large ceramic mug on the table in the dining area, which is wood, with no coaster or placemat. I looked under the mug on that table: left a huge bright stain. This is the table I borrowed from my mother.

I say FUCK. Pick up the things not on coasters/placemats and put them in the fridge or in the sink. The bowls and plates of food on the kitchen counter also go in the fridge. I get a plate for my Del Taco and turn on the tv and put in a Curb Your Enthusiasm DVD. He wakes up. Watches the episode of Curb I had on. Never laughs and just has a confused look on his face when I glance over at him. The episode ends and I'm done with my food. I get up, go into the kitchen, throw away my trash, clean my plate and put it in the dishwasher. He says from the couch, "Oh yeah, I got some stuff to do in the kitchen." I say, "Oh, ok." I sit down and watch another episode of Curb. He does the same idiot stare at the tv. The episode ends. He's passed out again. I surf the net for a bit then brush my teeth and get ready to sleep. He actually gets up again, and goes straight into his room. Lights out. Good night.

CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO DO ANYTHING GOT CHURCH IN THE MORNING ELEVEN HOURS FROM NOW

Damn, I'm not always the cleanest guy when it comes to the kitchen, but that shit's unreasonable.

Confused look while watching Curb Your Enthusiasm. That's fucking hilarious.

you eat Del taco, we are getting one of those soon here in texas.

We had one in El Paso for a couple of months. It was right across the street from a Taco Bell. Guess where everyone continued to keep going? Taco Bell.

This thread just keeps getting better and better though.

Del Taco shits on Taco Bell. For real.

There's two things that really get me about his poor kitchen cleanliness, the first being that we just had a huge fucking reminder about infestation (the story in the first post). You'd think that after such an inconvenience like that (which also reminds me, when I first told him about how we had to prep for it, he just looks up from the paper at me and says, "This is really inconvenience." lol. He didn't stutter when he said, "really" or attempt to say either "a" or "an," so he really just doesn't think about what fucking words are about to come out of his stupid mouth) he'd be of the mind to not want to go through it again.

But what am I talking about? He didn't "go though" anything. I fucking did all the work. That instance along with all the other shit I've experienced with him leads me to believe that he just plain has led an incredibly privileged and catered life, that he's just not worried or even thinking about what could happen, and not even in a selfish way, per se. He genuinely thinks that things will just work themselves out. Like, in regards to the roach spraying incident, I really don't think he actually thought to himself, "Well, I don't have to do anything. I don't even have to politely reason with or ask a favor of my roommate, I can just be an asshole and not do shit and he will take care of it because he's too meek and humble to not do it or speak up about it." I swear that the thoughts running through his head were either NOTHING, or, "Well, it's not like it HAS to be done even though it's in writing and the roommate confirmed with the office that they were coming by to perform this. IT'LL ALL BE OK. WHAT TROUBLE CAN I GET IN TO!? I'M A CHRISTIAN AND I'M IN THE ARMY RESERVE" When he leaves dishes near the sink for days without bothering with so much as throwing uneaten food away and giving the plate even a brief rinsing in the sink, the thought of ants or roaches never even enters into his head, despite the very real and intrusive exhibition we just had in that regard.

Oh yeah, and that second thing that gets me about his lack of cleanliness, is that when we were first discussing the possibility of being roommates (more like him being overly excited about it and me being standoffish and non-committal because I never thought there was any way in Hell that I would have to or be able to go through with it) he said he thought that we'd be very compatible roommates because, "Yeah, you and I are just both low-key, and I can tell you're a clean guy like me. I hate dirty houses and roommates that do stuff like not the dishes." That do stuff like not the dishes is another one of his Shakespearean moments that stuck out to me lol.

Oh and another thing that happened recently:

When we first moved in I brought a Brita water filter, and I told him he could use it. He did. And he never fucking refilled it. Every god damn time I wanted some cool, filtered water, I would open the fridge to see a barren, empty Brita jug. After six weeks of this I finally said, "Hey dude, it's totally cool that you use the Brita and all, but I notice that you don't really refill it after you use it." He says, "Really? Every time I use it there's water in it."

THAT'S BECAUSE I FUCKING FILL THE FUCKING THING AFTER YOU FUCKING LEAVE THE FUCKING THING EMPTY YOU FUCKING DUNCE

He says, "Oh yeah dude, totally." So what do I come home to today after work and I want some cool, filtered water? I open the fridge and see an overflowing Brita jug. The filtered water reservoir is overly full, and not only to the point of spilling upward into the to-be-filtered-water container of the thing, but that same upper section is also full to the brim. The fucking thing spilled over when I slowly and gently pulled it out of the refrigerator. How the fuck does he think this thing works? The top reservoir was so full that unfiltered tap water was spilling over and into the filtered water section, effectively contaminating the filtered water in the lower reservoir. And it was so god damn full that even if you wanted to pour yourself a glass it would all just come out the top even before the spout and spill all over every where.

THANKS FOR FIXING THAT FOR ME, DUDE

I'm almost scared for the day that I get fed up with his other kitchen habits and finally say something, and his attempt to remedy it turns into another thing to backfire on me where he throws dirty plates out the window or some other Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead "The dishes are done, man" bullshit.

lmao

You could make a twitter for all of the stuff he says and name it shitmyroommatesays. Update it daily with random shit he says and you may get a TV show about it.

Twitter? Limiting my amount of text that can be used and therefore only being whatever he says and none of my explanation or commentary? Probably a good idea...


(get ready for it)


The last time rent was due, I told him about how you had to make the check out to the apartment management and not just the name of the apartment complex, and I told him like three times, including the day that he wrote the check. What does he do? He writes it out to the apartment complex still. Of course.

Rent's due tomorrow. We got our first water/sewage bill, which is to be combined with the rent. Then you're also supposed to put a note on the for/memo line about how the rent and water/sewage payment are combined in the check. Because of his glorious blunder of the highest level of retardation last time, I gave him line by line instructions, basically showing him exactly how to write out the check with everything but the date and signature. I even wrote a note detailing everything about who to write the check to, what to put in the memo line, and the amount, and read it aloud to him and told him I would leave it out so that if he forgot he could just read it again. I left the instructions on the kitchen counter. He left the check there this morning. He left the "Pay to the order of" line blank and the memo line just said "rent". He seriously thought it was too hard or my note was too confusing to do it correctly. I like to think that it wasn't a mere coincidence that he may have forgotten my instructions. I think his idiocy and complete lack of right of mind had to be proved by the fact that he left the check right on top of my note with the instructions on how to write the check properly.

Also, another thing he did that's not a big deal but just another sign of his selfishness and sense of entitlement: the rent amount ended in an odd cent amount, meaning that after the split there'd be a remainder cent and one person pays an extra penny. I mentioned it to him and also wrote it out on the note with my instructions, but of course didn't express any concern on the matter one way or the other. I just wanted to make it clear to him that we were making different payment amounts, but only separated by one penny. What does he do? Writes the check for the lower amount without even saying anything about it. The penny itself represents how much I care about the same as the small amount of lettuce he took from me, but still, the fact that he just does things like this without saying anything or offering any recourse says a lot. Matters in which he's done the same thing but with a much bigger impact and therefore a much higher sense of selfishness was moving in.

Walking in, we do the apartment inspection with the management for about five minutes and then they leave. The first thing he says is, "So I'll take the master bedroom." I'm like, "Uh, what?" He says, "Yeah, I've got the queen size bed and you got the twin." I explained to him that I actually also had a queen size bed, but just had the option to trade with my mother because she had a spare twin bed if I needed the space to trade down. I then also explained to him that I actually had more things, especially furniture-wise, than him and that he could easily fit all his things in the second bedroom and that I'd have to get rid of things to even be able to fit into it cramped. I gave up after that though.

I then asked him about doing an uneven split on the rent since he'd be taking the master bedroom. This is something we had discussed before when we were looking for places in December. See, he wanted to be in a town that had higher rent but that was "nicer" and closer to where he worked. I wanted to be in another town because rent was much cheaper, and it was closer to my work. The town we ended up in was pretty much a direct and even compromise, a town inbetween both towns we both actually wanted to be in. When we were still looking at the places in his town (which I never wanted to do any way, that's maybe another story for another time), I told him that the prices were way too high, and that the only way I could afford it would be if we did something like a 40/60 split on the rent. He said he wouldn't mind doing that. We ended up looking at the places in the "inbetween" town like I was saying and after seeing them and their prices I told him that there was no way I'd even consider going to the expensive and further town he wanted to be in, so we compromised like I said.

So in our new apartment, I remind him of this, and he says, "Yeah, but that was only when we were looking at places in the town I wanted to live in and because you said it would be the only way you'd be able to afford it. You can afford this place with an even split, so that's what we'll do." Ok. So his logic is that even though I'm still getting the shorter end of the stick, the fact that it's a shorter stick to begin with means it doesn't matter.

FUCK YOU

Then his consolation/condolences for this is, "But you can have the carport and I'll just park in the guest parking. So it's like we both have one thing up on each other." The logic of his behind this one is that the carport is closer to the actual apartment and offers protection from the elements. Here's the thing about that: it doesn't offer protection from the elements. It's not a fucking garage. When it's cold, I have to run the defrost just as long as somebody without a carport. When it rains, my car is just as wet as a car not under the carport. And as far as it being closer? Well, the carport itself really isn't that close. It's about a 1,000 foot walk from my door to the carport. How far away is his parking spot from mine? A couple hundred feet. That's all the extra "convenience" that he's "giving up" by not taking the assigned carport. Speaking of the carport being assigned...HE STILL FUCKING PARKS IN A CARPORT. The back of the complex, where he parks, is lined with unassigned, extra carport parking, which he of course parks in. And the capper to it all? I never agreed to it, or even expressed any amount of interest or desire for a carport, yet where he parks is where he wants to park. He's so fucking vain about himself that he thinks his car is so fucking cool and that people want to steal it all the time, so he says he would prefer to park in the back of the complex so as to attract less attentive eyes to his vehicle anyway. So in the end, he gets what he wants again, we're not actually "even", and I don't even have a say in the matter.


Also on the first day, I had to go to work like I said before, while he stayed behind and put all his shit away. Besides him retardedly arranging the kitchen, he also took all the primo spots in the bathroom without offering or saying anything. All the shelf space close to the shower head in the bathtub was full of his stuff. The highest and therefore most easily-accessed drawer of the bathroom sink is full of his stuff, so as there not even being a possibility for me putting so much as my tube of toothpaste in there. And the medicine cabinet is overflowing with his shit, there's not even room for me to put toenail clippers in the thing. The other drawers and storage are completely empty. He just wanted to make sure that he completely bogarted all the desirable shelf and storage space. In the kitchen itself, we only have a tall and narrow cupboard to act as a pantry. It's separated into two top and bottom sections, each section with shelves. When I came home he explained how he took the top one and I could have the bottom one. I said fine. I opened the cupboards and see that his top one has three shelves, and mine has two, because the bottom one is missing. So I really only have one shelf and then just the floor of the thing because I've got a missing middle shelf. So not only does he have more accessible, shoulder and eye-level shelf space, but more shelf space in general. I said no way fag you get two shelves and I get two shelves and the bottom floor shelf is just for whatever. He puts up no argument because he either knows it's fair or knows he was stupid for that moment. If only I could get him to realize that he's actually stupid all god damn day every day.

He's not this guy on the right, is he?

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If he weren't married and currently living in Hawaii, I'd swear it's this guy. (I picture it's him anyway when reading your stories.)

It really just sounds like you need to start being a dick and make him realize he's an idiot. Just belittle him any time he does something dumb.

maybe you should just give him the boot and then your problems are solved.

So the other day I'm doing the dishes (which is to say, I'm doing a sink and countertop full of HIS dishes that have been sitting for days). Douchetrey walks in and starts jibber jabbin about stupid shit I don't care about. After a few minutes of me doing his dishes right in front of him and getting down to the last three items, just a few coffee mugs, he says, "Hey dude, don't worry about those, I'll get them. They're probably mine anyway."

"PROBABLY YOURS" FUCKHEAD!? YOU'RE THE ONLY MOTHERFUCKER THAT FUCKING DRINKS FUCKING COFFEE IN THIS FUCKING PLACE AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT

I say ok and wash my hands and go into my room. I come out a couple hours later and see those three mugs STILL FUCKING THERE and his dumbass is passed out on the couch with a plate on the coffee table as well as food spilled all over it (this coffee table is also another thing borrowed from my mother like the dining table). I pick up the food and plate and put it in the sink and go out for the night and come back the next day in the early afternoon. The shit's still there in the sink, and now some new stuff too.

How in the fuck does this happen? Why does it happen? Two days ago I was doing the dishes for a solid ten minutes. I was in the dishes-doin motions, and he stops them by saying he'd finish them. Why the fuck did you stop me when I was so close to done? Do you fucking like the kitchen being a mess and knowing that it's all because of you?




Now for a weird one...

I kind of noticed some shit about our shower the other week. First the non-scary/weird part, but still exceptionally stupid: he keeps a razor & shaving cream and a tooth brush & tooth paste in the shower. He says that it saves him time. Two things about that: no it fucking doesn't, and secondly, no it fucking doesn't. All it fucking does is fucking waste water dipshit. He even complained about our first water bill when it came in (which was actually fairly reasonable) and asked me how long my showers are. I told him usually five minutes, maybe ten at the most if I'm extra tired or actually shampooing my hair (since I don't do it everyday). He said, "Yeah, I'm the same." There have been times where he's in the shower for a few minutes and I go out to grab the mail and do laundry and come back twenty minutes later and he's still in there. Ten minutes my ass. No fucking way you're in there for ten minutes when you're performing your entire god damn grooming routine in there, all the while the water is running.

Oh yeah, fuck any other asshole that does that because they think it saves them any time. It doesn't save time, it wastes water. Period.




So yeah, the other thing that may be weird/creepy and I need to confirm is actually happening, but that makes my skin crawl to even think about it being a possibility...

Also in the shower, I noticed that he doesn't have any shampoo. I also noticed that my new bottle of shampoo is already getting considerably light. Is this prick using my fucking shampoo? Like I explained, he tries to be and/or thinks he's an overly nice guy, so for him to take it and think that he's stealing, i.e. know he's doing something wrong, seems unlikely. That would indicate that he's taking it but not in a way that he thinks he's doing anything wrong. If he is taking it and not thinking he shouldn't be, what could be his fucking logic? We're roommates and share things? Ok, that's a possibility for his kind of mind. But wait, has he shared a single fucking thing of his with me? No. Did he ask me about sharing shampoo? Even something more reasonable like, "Hey dude, I ran out of shampoo and don't have time to go to the store before work, can I use some of your shampoo for one day?" He hasn't had any shampoo in the shower for over a month and my shampoo bottle feels like it's over half gone, and I take two+ years to go through a bottle, as you all know. And is shampoo even the fucking kind of thing to be shared among roommates? Hell no.

But it gets worse.

Apart from the no-shampoo and the shaving/tooth brushing stuff, the only other thing he has in there is liquid body wash. The only thing, meaning that he doesn't have a body scrubber for the body wash. Now, I have two in there. One white and one blue, one of which is for the bunghole/nether-region and the other for the rest of the body. Is he fucking using one of my god damn body scrubbers as his own? Once again, if he is, what could be his fucking line of logic? He never asked or said anything to me. And for you doubtful naysayers that don't think that it's possible he could do something like that, I remind you of who he is and recommend you reread this entire thread. You may be thinking, admittedly just the same as I did, that he may use a washcloth and not one of those bath scrubbers. I investigated this. There is never any washcloth in the tub, on the towel rack, on the sink, on the floor, draped over the shower curtain, anywhere in the bathroom. But remember, he's a dirty, lazy motherfucker. He leaves his bath towel on his fucking bedroom floor almost every goddamn day, like a fucking five year old does. He doesn't even think about how wet + carpet = mold. So yeah, with that in mind, I thought to look in the bedroom for a washcloth to go along with the bath towel. Nothing. Not wrapped up in the bath towel, not elsewhere on the floor or bed, not draped over his desk chair or on the desk, and not in his hamper. The fucking asshole has got to be using my bath body scrubber as his own. I just hope he's using the one I use only for my asshole.

I hate people using my shit, too. So I always keep my stuff in this kind of small tub. When I was in a dorm I always kept it under my bed and took it with me when I went to the bathroom.

I think my brother may have been using my some. This disturbs me. Sure, I guess it's not as bad as possibly having your roommates asshole and balls rubbed into your face like your situation... but I still don't like things of that nature at all.

It's clearly not the case with him. However, if you have long hair and you keep care of it, doing shit in the shower does save time.

You don't just throw conditioner in and immediately wash it out like shampoo, you need to let it sit for a bit. Admittedly, I've gotten a little lazy and only just take my time with my body wash now and would never consider shaving in the shower, but brushing your teeth or washing your face isn't completely unreasonable. That conditioner needs to sit in there for a bit.

It's kind of annoying, but I guess you can always just put it in and turn off the shower and do your stuff and then get back in when you're ready to wash it out.

Either way, fuck this guy.

I can understand that, but even then it's not the case with him like you said and there's definitely still better, more efficient and earth-friendly ways to do it. Like how I do it. If I bother conditioning (which I do about half as often as I shampoo, so once a week maybe), this is how you do it: Get in the shower and shampoo immediately. Then put in the conditioner. Then while that sits, you wash your body. No matter how small your body or how long your hair, that's plenty of time for the conditioner to do what it does and with absolutely no time or water wasted.

[edit]: And if you are doing that, at least it's only partially as bad and you're also not delusional about it. The only other person in my life that I've met who's done this is my very first roommate in college, and he was equally as dirty and probably nearly as dumb as this asshole. So it's a running theme for dirty idiots, I guess, along with the delusion and lack of critical thinking towards it.

I've been shaving in the shower for a little while, wasting a whole shit ton'a water and not caring, lol. I got into the habit of doing it that way when I had my busted ankle and had to sit on a chair. Couldn't very well stand or sit in front of a countertop sink, so I'd shave in the shower, although turning off the water while I do, only turning it on when I rinse the blade off.

Now that I've been doing it, though, I like it more than shaving in the sink. Water in my bathroom is much harder than anywhere else in the house f'some reason, so having my face constantly steamed up and wet helps the blade to glide smoother. You'd think the shaving cream itself would do that, but it don't. It's like my bathroom's water takes away moisture—sometimes I wonder if it's mostly iron.

So anyway, now that I've discovered this pleasantry of shaving in the shower, I keep doing it. And because I live with a lot of people, turning off the shower to lathe up or shave can be dangerous, 'cos someone will take it as you being done with your shower, and will start to wash clothes or fill up a swimming pool bathtub of water, lol. My mom washes in that thing, my sister used to although now she's sticking to the shower. Thankfully, the shower doesn't affect the water flow, but my brother's shower in the basement does.

SO WHAT I'M SAYIN' IS basically nothing of interest or importance, but I really ought to just start shaving in front of the sink again now that I can stand, lol.

On conditioner: Yeah, I also shampoo first thing, apply conditioner, then wash ma boday, and rinse out the conditioner at the end. Or, when shaving, I shave with the conditioner in my hair and then rinse it out.

Anyway, your roomie doesn't sound like a very nice guy, r_z. I doubt he's so stupid that he can't tell what he's doing is selfish and assholish. Call him out; make that little bitch cry.

I'm waiting for the day where r_z just goes nuts and beats the ever living shit out of this kid.

Also, I don't use a body scrubber\loofah. I use my hands. I'm the shit.

Too damn hard with just the hands, I find. Bodywash or soap is always slippin' off ma mitts.

I just use a rag/washcloth/whatever ya wanna call it. Loofahs are for poofters.

I don't really see why sharing shampoo is wrong, as long as the person that didn't buy it buys the next one. But the scrubber/body wash thing is definitely fucked up.

this fag's dying his hair (i kno, rite?) and drips the shit all over the bathroom sink and counter, and even on the kitchen counter. I see the kitchen stuff first, which is not too much, but still more than just a few drops and it fucking STAINS. I sopped and scrubbed it up as best I could, but there's definitely a perma-stain even after wailin on it for a solid five minutes and using hot water and a variety of cleaning agents. That's when I go into the bathroom to grab some different cleaning stuff and see much more of it everywhere in the bathroom. On the floor, in the sink, on the counter...and the glove he used to apply it is sitting on top of MY towel that HE took OFF of the towel rack and put onto the counter, and then sat his soaked-in-black-hair-dye (again, wtf is up with this fag dying his fucking hair?) latex glove on top of.

I had no hesitation or reservation to be nice and not say anything this time, so I went right into his room and said, "Uh, hey dude. Your hair dye that was spilled on the kitchen counter left a stain and I was cleaning it for a while. You better get the stuff in the bathroom quick."

His response? "Oh, I didn't even know there was any in there."

get the fuck out of here. how is that possible. it's fucking not, that's how.